Saturday, July 14, 2012


What a July.
Three months in this house and what was to be
a new beginning has indeed become one-
far more so than I had imagined.

Your dad left today.
A trial separation period that is to last
for eight weeks, as of now.

I don't know what to tell you.
You're starting Kindergarten.
You're so happy.

You needn't know a thing
until something is settled upon.
So I tell you Dad's working a lot.
And grin...
Thank God you're still easy to distract.

What a whiteness.
Three months in this house and your room is still bland.
Enough of that, we decided this evening.
I stripped the majority of the furnishings out
of the space and we went hunting for paint.

You chose blue.
Fitting, I think.
You love it and I feel it.
Blue it is, I said.

Blue it's becoming.

Dogs alongside,
 I deftly worked the edges,
building a safe perimeter in which you could slip
into a creative frenzy. All water pipes and volcanoes
and a helicopter, you told me, and frantically wheeled
your small foam roller along the plaster.

You will, of course,
kill me one day for sharing these photos.

Both dogs sniffed the paint can,
or so I was told...
but I have my suspicions.

I don't know what the future holds
for your father and I together,
but I know we both love you.
And I know you're going to be fine.
Neither of us would let you fall.

As for this house,
you and I aren't leaving it.
We'll make it home.
We'll make it safe.

We can make blue beautiful.
I promise.


  1. Oh honey this must be such a hard time. My heart aches for you. Your boy looks so happy though. And I hope you take some comfort in that. My therapist suggested a separation to me two months ago...have not done it but I feel your pain. Sending you positive thoughts.

  2. "I was here" in I read your words and was touched by your ability to let the air dance around this fresh wound...fearless, strong, determined- you are earning your amazing story and are never alone on your path friend. Blue is the vastness of the heavens...good choice Monkey. Good choice JJ.

  3. If blue can be beautiful, you will make it just that. The color aside.i feel for you Jess,truly I do. Love and hugs.wendy

  4. When you're not busy with work, etc please write a book of something - poetry. Prose. Fiction or non... You got me through the heart in a beautiful way.

  5. Tangled up in blue...

    You and Monkey will find your way, strong and together. Whatever comes.

    Be well, and know you are surrounded in love.

  6. Plain old Texas sized hugs your way. You are very strong and a wonderful mama, blue is the color of the vast sky and the deep ocean - both of which are limitless in their scope and potential. Make it so.

  7. blue it is.

    [i love this protective side of you.]

  8. Jess, My heart aches for you and this time. I have been through this and I do promise that you will be less blue one day. I know you have such strong support from your parents and you seem to be a strong woman. I wish you the best and even though we've never met, i send you a hug through cyber space.